A ROW has broken out between Clacton and Witham after the chairman of Witham’s chamber of commerce, Dave Arnott, said Witham had too many vacant shops and it was in danger of becoming “like Clacton”.

He said: “It feels like you are walking on the Clacton seafront at the moment. It’s so depressing. If it’s not a charity shop, it’s an empty window.”

That’s fighting talk, and Clacton councillor Pierre Oxley was happy to strike back and demand a formal apology.

Mr Arnott then said his comments had been taken out of context (not by this paper for a change) and an uneasy entente cordiale has broken out.

For local residents who do not know Witham we are pleased to publish ten fascinating facts that you never knew about it:

1 It’s a great commuter town to live in – Shenfield, Ingatestone or Chelmsford are more convenient, but probably more expensive.

2 Witham’s most famous resident was Dorothy L Sayers. Pardon our ignorance but who on earth was Dorothy L Sayers?

3 In the 18th century Witham tried to copy Bath and Harrogate in becoming a spa town. Obviously, it failed dismally. It has a Spar shop though!

4 Every year the town holds an “increasingly popular international puppet festival”.

We know nothing about this, and are sure it is great, but increasingly popular could mean that in the first year ten people went, now there are 12, and “international” means someone once attended who had been to France.

5 It has a river. But no pier, award-winning beaches or Martello Towers.

6 Witham is twinned with a German town, but has much more in common with Basildon and Harlow, as it too was greatly expanded in the 1960s and 1970s with big housing estates for the London masses to move to.

7 Witham has many fine Georgian buildings but the centre is slightly let down by a shopping area which is a fantastic example of 1960s concrete architecture.

8 There are two secondary schools in Witham. According to Wikipedia, both achieve slightly below average 5 A*-C GCSE results.

9 The town council website proudly declares famous Cressing Temple is three miles north of Witham. If it helps attract visitors they can plug Clacton as well, it is miles away too.

10 To be honest, Witham is actually quite a nice place. But if they want to have a go, we are ready for ’em!