REGULAR readers will recall how last week we created out mythical and tourist-revenue generating hero, Tenbo.

This has given us a taste for fairy-tales and this week we give you a children’s bedtime story.

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, called La-La Land, there suddenly appeared a terrifying horde of baddies wearing braces and driving Porsches.

They were called the Banshee Bankers.

They had a cunning plan to steal everyone’s money.

What was really clever was that they were not going to hold them up with guns or mug them. Oh no, they were far more clever than that.

They were going to take their money by giving them money!

“I don’t understand” we hear you say.... well read on, children, read on.

The Banshees had lots of gold and they knew the more pots of gold they threw at the people of Tendring with reckless abandon the fatter the banshees would get via a mystical system called bonuses.

So they threw oodles of gold and told the people of La La Land not to worry tooooooooo much about paying it back.

They had enough gold for everyone.

The people, not believing their luck, rejoiced and spent it on new wattle and daub huts, or on brand new horses and carts.

The bankers grew obscenely fat on their big bonuses and the residents threw gold around like confetti.

But then, one day a strange disease blighted the land, the lurgy was called “Commonsense-itis.”

This terrifying disease made people break out into a sweat over how much they had borrowed.

They realised hut prices had risen so fast no-one could afford to buy them. They realised they had borrowed far more than they could pay off.

The Banshees, of course, knew all along they had been giving away far too much gold. They had such big brains and earned such big salaries they surely knew it made no sense, but never mind, how they loved their big, big bonuses.

And suddenly a shadow was cast over La La Land as a monster appeared.

He was called the Credit Cruncher and he would not let anyone have any more money.

The people of La La Land did not know what to do, but their elders and rulers, knowing money was what Banshees and the Credit Cruncher loved best, thought “oh no, we have given away too much money, so what we will do is throw more money at the problem.”

And so trillions and trillions and trillions of gold coins (which mysteriously appeared as if from nowhere) were spent so everything could get back to normal and people could buy things again with money they didn’t have.

And everyone lived happily ever after, especially the Banshee Bankers, safe in the knowledge the “no money” crisis had been averted with even more non-existent money.

Confused children? We are.

Next week: Tendring Council and the magic invisible fountain.