The Olympics start tomorrow.

Sporting greatness all round, bound by the offical Olympic creed “The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”

Oh dear, things have moved on a bit since then. Conquering is all-important and coming second just means you are the first loser.

What a glorious historical sporting festival though, dating back 2,000 years.

In ancient Greece, Pheidippides ran from Marathon to Athens to declare the Persians had been defeated and then dropped dead – and the marathon event was born.

Nowadays of course, his body would be blood-tested and found to contain more drugs than Boots, that his blood had actually been drained from him and pumped back in and he had more testosterone in his body than a schoolboy watching a Christina Aguilera video.

At the siege of Troy the king’s harem threw goatskins of water over the walls to the parched soldiers fighting beyond, and hence beach volleyball was born. We actually made that one up.

However, in the 21st century it is hard not to be cynical about the Games, with everything from drug taking to the fact that it is being held in a country where “re-education through labour” is not about Gordon Brown’s promises on Sat tests but a punishment for anyone who doesn’t quite agree.

We will even refrain from commenting on the claims that China got the games despite an appalling human rights record because the major sponsors wanted help in breaking into the flourishing Chinese economy to sell their goods there.

Nothing is as it seems; even the gold medals are not real, they are made from gilded silver.

However, we should not despair, as these problems are nothing new. In 1904 it was discovered one athlete who won a race had been given strychnine and brandy by his coach – while he was still running.

Still, the worst thing of all is the fact that we have no-one from Tendring competing.

With the games coming to London in 2012 we need to start preparing now, so Tendring Talk officially encourages everyone with a child aged 13 and above to get them outside right now and start practising be it running, jumping or synchronised swimming. The area’s honour depends on you!