WHEN the Nazi Wehrmacht was poised across the Channel, Churchill proudly declared "we will fight them on the beaches."

Preparations were already under way to fight off the unwanted hordes, with local piers being dismantled, obstacles being placed on the beaches, and machine gun posts being built.

The Home Guard stood at the ready and commandoes were set to hide away underground in Weeley ready to pop out and give it to "Jerry".

Thankfully, the invasion never came and the only hordes that descended upon our glorious shores were from Billy Butlin's army of punters and tourist invaders from the East End of London.

However, if, God forbid, anyone wants to invade this beautiful isle, they will know to steer well clear of Tendring beaches as apparently half of them are a veritable death trap without a machine gun in sight.

Another section of beach has had to be closed because the sea defences are showing and present a danger to the public.

You can picture the invading hordes leaping from the landing craft and becoming entrapped by the dangerous sections of wire upon which they are attacked by hordes of mechanised pensioners on mobility scooters, hoodie-wearing teenagers nicking bits of their kit and blokes staggering from the pub complete with British bulldog tattoos chanting "Engerlund" and "Let's av sum"

More realistically, the council has no choice in taking this course of action as otherwise people would be throwing themselves at the dangerous sections like lemmings, clutching their paperwork from compensationsolicitors-r-us.

Less flippant is the fact that parts of our sea defences appear to be crumbling and there is apparently little that can be done about it without vast sums being spent.

It seems King Canute might succeed where the Nazis failed!